“..He who sows courtesy reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love"
-St. Basil the Great
Befriending Somone for the the Wrong Reasons
1."I am in Control" | 2. "He/She Needs Me"
The fact is that we are never in control. View yourself as emotionally and spiritually weak and seek God’s help always!
Sometimes we befriend people for the wrong reasons. We feel that they are in great need and I am the one that can rescue them. They may need help in school, in church, or whatever. We have to be careful here. If we do not keep clear and sharp boundaries, emotions and actions can get out of control. It is quite often that we start out with good intentions but end in disasters. Serve others
According to Godly principles and boundaries that we have set above. Never view yourself as the savior or rescuer of others. It is a deception. Praying for others is often more powerful than direct action. Seek counsel from your father of confession and trusted church alders always in these situations.
3. "Good Intentions"
Many times I have good intentions in the beginning of a friendship but if I do not keep clear boundaries, the results can be disastrous. Do not befriend someone for the purpose of good intentions. Sometimes people say that “they don’t have any other friends” so I became their friend. Befriend people in the right context, ALWAYS keep your communication on the group level for this is the least stressful and least tense form of communication. When people are one on one, they beginning to have expectations of one other.
They feel that things have to advance somehow and this is what leads to emotional and physical relationships. One on one encounters lead to raised expectation and tension. Please avoid it at all costs. Group interaction does not come with any expectations or tension. It does not have a focus on you and one particular individual. It is the healthiest form of boy-girl friendship.
4. "Everyone is Doing It."
We love to rationalize. We figure that if everyone else is dating, then why should we be deprived of it? We suddenly feel like a victim. This is yet another one of the great deceptions of the devil: victimology. The devil always wants to make us feel like we are deprived, we are mistreated, life is unfair, and that we are victims. Just because everyone is doing it at school and in the world doesn’t make it right. The path to Christ is a narrow path not a wide path.
The Christian must distinguish himself/herself from the world, not be a conformer and follower of the world. St. Paul says “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God” (Romans 12:2). Christ says that “narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it” (Matthew 7:14).
5. "I am Only Human, I Have Needs."
This deception is a self-seeking purely selfish notion of the world. It’s the view that it’s all about me. My needs, my wants, my desires. It is a statement that I completely lack any kind of self-control and that I function on instincts, like an animal. The fact is that, in Christ, we have the will and desire for tremendous self-control, unlimited love, and unlimited service and unselfishness. We must never think " I am only human and I need love, or I need sex, or I need a boyfriend, or a girlfriend." We are not animals! We were created in the image and likeness of God.
SOURCE: Syrian Orthodox Church
"Only a friendship based on a mutual desire for perfection is capable of surviving, and this desire must be strong in each friend; each must, in a word, share a common yearning for the good"