I am a FAKE Friend
We, humans, are social creatures, meaning we are in constant need of family, friends, and acquaintances. Friendship is an important element of our life, we need it to feel connected, content, or fulfilled. Friends give us a sense of comfort and security. However, friends may cause us grief and hardship as well.
As I age, I have come to meet a lot of people, some good, some bad, and some okay. I went through a lot of pain that could have been prevented because of the people I associate myself with. As the saying goes, some people come into your life for a lesson. That said, there are some pains you wish you never experience even for a lesson. I went through a lot of emotional pain because I didn’t understand the value and true meaning of friendship.
I was a late bloomer to life. I got my period late, I got into the makeup scene late, I got to the relationship part late. Every time, other people my age were ahead of the game then I was. As such, I was also late to get best friends. I met my first best friend in college and soon after her I met my other best friend. In a short period, I had two best friends, both of whom required a lot of my attention. I was not prepared for the emotional responsibility friendship requires. Around the same time, I also had many acquaintances. I took my best friends for granted because I didn’t understand the value of friendship. I was fooled by the people near me who stuck with me for the good times and hyped me up.
I betrayed one of my best friend’s trust for a guy and I lost the other for the approval of my fake friends. It’s unfortunate that as humans we don’t realize what we have until we lose it. It was later when I lost both of my best friends, I understood the impact they had on my life. These girls were there for me in ways I didn’t know I needed people.
My fake friends hung with me when they were bored, called on me when they needed something, and they used me as their emotional garbage can. I was always there for them when they needed venting, encouragement, or anything else, but when I needed them they were nowhere to be found. My real friends, on the other hand, were always there for me. Nevertheless, I treated my real friends as my fake friends treated me. I took their love for granted.
When I realized what I had done, the ship had already sailed. As a consequence, I no longer have best friends. Instead, I have acquaintances I don’t trust. I act with them as fake as they act with me. This so-called friendship is exhausting and pointless, but I do it for the gram. We occasionally hang out and post pictures of ourselves in matching clothes, with heart emojis, and usually doing something that appears fun. Everything about the relationship is FAKE. When I go back home from our hangout sessions, I am drained, I wonder why I torture myself like this. I know this behavior is obscure and unhealthy for my mental state, but I thought it looked better to have fake friends than no friends at all. For some odd reason, I deemed not having friends more pathetic than having ingenuine friends.
Glory to God, I recently went on a trip that changed my whole perspective. I joined a collectivistic community that valued shared interests and communal relations. Leaving the individualistic culture I have perfectly assimilated with, I was able to learn the value of friendship. Being in that environment I observed people being selfless and loyal to each other. These people have no personal motives for their actions. They inherently don’t know how to think individually, whereas for me it has become my second nature.
Their bond was so beautiful and inspiring. I had to let go of my insecurities, defensive mechanism, and trust issues, so I can learn their way of being. As a result, I was able to join in the unconditional love they share for each other. I met people without reservations. I gave them my trust and I got theirs in return. They loved me even when I hadn’t done anything for them and I loved them without expecting anything in return.
When I hung with them I was the best version of myself. It dawned on me that’s the purpose of friendship. Your friends should make you a better human, encourage you, inspire you, support you and vice versa. That’s the kind of friendship God wants us to have. When He created Eve for Adam He wanted them to make each other better. The communion of Adam and Eve was so that they can both support each other in the journey of becoming Holy. When you are in the spiritual journey there are many good things that will start to happen in your life, and you will need others to talk with, to vent with, to share, to learn from one another, and to help keep each other on track.
When I got back from my trip, I knew what I had to do. I let go of my fake friends and started working on myself. Friendship is not something you can hunt. For now, I will groom myself so when God sends me a true friend or friends I will be ready to become the Christian friend they need. The Bible teaches us not to associate ourselves with the wrong crowd. For example, Proverbs 14:16 says, “...Go from the presence of a foolish man, when you do not perceive in him the lips of knowledge.” Similarly, in 1 Corinthians 15:33 we are warned, “...Evil company corrupts good habits.”
Speaking for myself, I know that we millennials are notorious for doing everything for social media. But we can’t live our lives for the approval of others. We shouldn’t have friends who drain our energy for the gram or Snapchat. If our friends don’t bring the best in us, it’s time to let them go. We have to seek people who share our values, are spiritually strong and can help us grow.
I know now, not having friends is better than having ingenuine friends. Even though letting go can be challenging, we need to trust God as he weeds out the wrong people from our lives. When it’s the right time, He will bring in the people He wants us to have. The types of friends He enters into our lives are “God-friends.” These people will be Godly, they will be the people you share your spiritual journey with. As Proverbs 27:17 states, “...iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friends.” Examples of genuine friendships are displayed through the Bible, 1 Samuel 18:1-4; 20:14-17 shows us the true friendship of David and Jonathan. The disciples are also great examples of friendship. May we all find friends that support us in our spiritual journey.
Glory to God